Vincent van Gogh, Roses, 1890

For this (kind of late) art of the week I figured I would do a more recognizable artist. Van Gogh was a Dutch post-impressionist painter - which means that he took the ideas of impressionist artists such as Monet and extended them. Post - impressionist artist used the same vivid colors, distinctive brushstrokes and real life subjects but were more inclined to use geometric shapes and to distort form - in essence paving the way for expressionism. You can see in this painting that he uses a real life subject matter but there is something off about it, it is not a perfect still life - the roses are a bit distorted and the background leans towards abstraction.

One of the main reasons why I wanted to do a piece by van Gogh is so that I could talk about his very interesting life. Unlike many artists he did not spend his whole life working on his art, but instead was a missionary worker in a very poor mining region. He did not embark upon a career as a painter until 1880 - ten years before his death. He produced over 2,000 works in this short ten year period - including 900 paintings. Even more amazing is that most of his best known works were created during the last two years of his life. However, this was also a time where he was experiencing recurrent bouts of mental illness - which led to him cutting off part of his ear and his eventual suicide.

As you probably know, some of van Gogh’s paintings are now among the world’s best known, most popular and expensive works of art.

Awesome story. via.

..That being said, Monday I was speeding to her house from work. I was on a local highway and about 5 minutes from her house when the blue lights blinded my eyes from my rear-view mirror. Damn, I’ve just been pulled over.

The officer walked up to my car, asked how I was doing, then the usual “license and registration, please”. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I carry a gun for my profession and still had it strapped to my side, so I showed him my work ID and gun permit BEFORE whipping out the gun and saying:

“Here’s my gun! I’m allowed to carry one!”

Phew, won’t do that one again.

After looking over the permit, he eyeballed my crotch.

“I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the car, sir. Keep your hands where I can see them.”

Either he’s a gay cop, or he has a problem with the gun.

I was asked to put my hands on the roof of the car. He pulled my 357 out of its holder.

“I’m going to hold onto this while I run your license, if you don’t mind. You can step back into the car.”

I got in and shut my door.

“So, Mr. Justin, why were you driving so fast?”

At this moment, my bullshit dispenser started cranking. I could afford another ticket, but would rather not deal with an increased insurance rate. I started spitting a line of total BS.

“Well sir, my job doesn’t allow me to see my fiance very much. Since this is the first time in forever that I’m going to see her, I’m rushing to her house to pop the question. I apologize for speeding, I’m just so excited to see the look on her face when I ask her to marry me.”

“Do you have a ring?”

“No sir, can’t afford one.”

“Ah, poor kid.”

“I know. Could you do me a favor and write me a ticket? I’d like to look back on this night and laugh about the time I was pulled over and given a ticket the night I was rushing to propose to my wife.”

The reason I asked him this is to make my story seem to check out. I’m calling his bluff, if you will.

“Haha, you kids. I’ll tell you what– I’ll do you one better. I’ll escort you over there through traffic if you’re in that much of a rush. Wouldn’t that be more of a story?”

Damnit. The guy’s caught up in making a Kodak moment when all I want to do is get him off my back and eat tacos with my girlfriend… NOT propose. I’ve only known the girl for two months– not exactly ready for the big commitment yet.

“Yes sir, I do believe it would.”

After giving him her street name and address, he knew exactly where to go. Shit. I got in my car and followed him as his siren rang out. Traffic pulled to the side, peopled yielded at red lights, and cars stopped– all so I could have tacos with my girlfriend.

After getting to her house, the officer stepped out of his car and knocked on her door. She opened it and stared at him, then me in a look of confusion.

“Hi, I pulled this gentleman over a few minutes ago because he was in a rush to get over here so fast. Justin? Would you like to take it from here?”

I looked at Courtney, then the officer, who wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. I tried to take her inside, but the officer stood right there in the doorway to witness the event. The things I’d do to get out of a ticket.

“Courtney… I know I’ve only known you a short time. But, in that short time … Will you marry me?”

She wouldn’t say yes. She’s younger than I am and always talked about how she wanted to date a guy forever until making a commitment.

”YES JUSTIN! I WILL MARRY YOU!”

The officer smiled and clapped as Courtney clamped her arms around my body. The neighbors, who had been wondering why a cop car with its lights on was outside her house cheered.

Courtney’s parents called me and told me that they were proud that their daughter found such a nice guy.

Me? Well I got out of a ticket.

Fuck you. I’m engaged.

win.

That is all.

A little 2009 hilarious inappropriateness from Kathy Griffin on CNN last night:

“I don’t go to your work and knock the dicks out of your mouth!”

Happy 2009.